Let Go of Comfortable and Trust Him

Lately, the Father has been shining a flashlight on my heart little by little to reveal to me what needs some extra attention. It is like pealing a band aide off my arm hair very slowly. It can be painful at times. I know if is a time of growth but why does my time of growing have to involve hurting others in the process? This is very hard for me. I would much rather be hurt than to hurt others. Just being real.

I started the day off yesterday by diving into editing photos of a wedding and two senior sessions. But I also started to choose to listen to the convincing voice saying I was not a good person and how depressing my life was because I had all of this stuff that the Father opened my eyes to.

So, I took a break to walk the dog. I went to get the leash and smelled something odd. I got closer to our dog, Lickerish and realized she had rolled in poop. Yes, I am embarrassed to admit that she did this. It is not something that she normally does. She hasn’t done this since she was a puppy. She is now 11 and almost 12. I was very frustrated as it would take even more time away from my editing to give her a bath after taking her for a walk.

We come back from the longish walk. I pulled her into the bathroom as she was putting on the breaks as soon as we got closer to the bathroom door. I put her into a bath and started to scrub her. I was getting so frustrated with her for doing something so stupid and gross. Like she WANTED to roll in crap. After getting her all scrubbed and clean I washed her collar. I want to paint this picture to make a point so I am sorry for the details. The collar had poop in it. Yes, in the collar. It made me gag, literally.

I was thinking how disgusting this was and then I heard it. His voice saying, THIS is how it is when you CHOOSE to get depressed and in hopelessness when I bring to light the things that I see that need to be cleaned up in your life. It is like you are rolling in your own crap (that is not the word I heard Him say). You are CHOOSING to roll in the lies that steal your joy. You cover yourself in crap.

Wow, it snapped me out of the downward spiral of negativity that I started to go into. Yes, I have some things in my heart that need to be dealt with but I don’t have to speak negative and get depressed about it. He has forgiven me and He will help me. I don’t need all the false humility crap to roll in. It isn’t necessary. He is calling me to maturity not immaturity. To dig in deep and take hold of the hard stuff He brings to the surface so He can shine more brightly through me. Even if it feels like a pressure cooker.

If we let go of our comfortable and TRUST Him to do the work and finish the work He started in us we will be at rest and peace in our heart. With all of the natural disasters that have been going on lately it was easy for people to quickly react out of fear. I felt like it was not only an awakening for people who don’t know Him but also for us. Are we quick to react out of fear? I will admit I did too at first. Then, it turned into crying out for His mercy and grace and protection. But then, it turned into Thank you Father for being their protector, their provider, their peace, their love, strength, health.  I prayed this before I saw it instead of coming into prayer with a desperate cry. It was a place of knowing my Father would provide what they needed. He is so much bigger than our storms! He is using all that is going on for our good, for His good in us.

We choose to TRUST you Father! You are a good Daddy. We thank you for all that you are doing. Even through the pain of it we know this is for good!

I am so thankful for the WHO family who extends grace and looks into us to find who we really are even when we are not acting like it.  Love you all!

What is my focus?

I woke up Sunday August 13th with a man saying to me Luke 14, pride.  I immediately woke with a desire to look this scripture up and see what the Father would show me.

Luke 14 starts by talking about how Jesus was desiring to heal someone on the Sabbath.  He purposely asked the Pharisees if this was ok.  Then proceeded to heal the man and ask them who would not heal their son or ox if they were stuck in a well.

They could say nothing.

What came to mind was what is my focus.  What is my main motivation or pull to do or say things.  What is it that tugs at my heart?  Is it that I want to impress someone?  Am I acting in fear of man?  Is it to be seen? Jesus was not focused on the law or what was right or wrong to do on the Sabbath but what was in His heart and to see that person healed.  He had compassion and love towards them.  The Pharisees were too into the norm.  Their mind set was, this is what is always done so this is how it should be.

Sunday AM I was thankful to have this brought to my mind before going to church.  It prepared me to come with a different perspective.  One of, God is my first.  What I focus on has to be lead by Him not my fleshly motivations.  I was constantly checking my heart.  Now some may think this can be exhausting.  Maybe for some it is.  Right now I am at a place of desiring to make changes for the better.  Taking in the discipline of the Father so I can see with His eyes freely.  Sure, it doesn’t feel very good but actually it really does.  It is like exercising.  Going through the pain knowing that a better result is coming.  Yes He accepts me and loves me just the way I am but there is such a hunger in me to clean those closets in  my heart that I have left alone for too long.  I have allowed the cobwebs of, “I will deal with that another day,” or “it hurts too much to have His love touch that right now,” to get comfortable in my heart.

Reading the scripture Sunday AM awoke me to my own slumber and helped me want to take steps to not perfection but to do well and a pull to shine Him better.

I read on in Luke and it talks about taking the last place with pleasure.  Allow those who have been invited to the place of honor at the table to have that place and your heart is of joy and rest.  Then, those who invite the guests to invite those who are of need.

Jesus talks about how there was a man who told his servant to go and invite a bunch of people for dinner but they had other things that were more important to do.  So the man told the servant to go and invite the poor and needy.  They all came.

I felt like He was showing me that when we allow pride – this will impress this person, my fear is bigger than God today or I need to be seen to validate who I am, is our way of saying to Jesus, I don’t have time today.  My way is more important.

I have been and will be taking some time each day to search my heart in what is my focus.  What makes me want to go forth and do or say something.  If it isn’t about HIM, Jesus, the Almighty.  Then, it is in the flesh.  It isn’t about Jesus at all.  He is not my focus.  I would be just like those that would say, I need to do before I can be with you.  They weren’t trusting Him.  They turned to what was familiar and comfortable.

Father help me to make sure that you are my focus.  That whether I am at World Harvest Outreach or out at the store or at work, you are my focus in my actions, thoughts and words.

Help me to not allow the idols of comfort to lead me but to allow your heart to be my heart and direct me straight to you and your desires!

Listen to Truth

The Avengers Movie

God speaks to me in movies sometimes and when we went on Sunday to see the Avengers I was a little disappointed in the beginning because it didn’t seem to have much of a story line. But, I asked God to show me something in the movie.

I usually have to watch a movie several times to remember or to get everything out of it that I feel I need but since it was in the theater and it probably won’t be out for awhile I will have to do the best I can.

Part of it was the Avengers coming together to figure out how they were going to keep the “aliens” from coming to the area. They realized that the only way they were going to be able to do this is TOGETHER. As one.

When Stark was going to get a sword there was a women that snuck into the room he was in. She had a power to make his mind think about his worst fears and failures. He had a vision of being the one to kill all of his Avengers team by not doing enough to help them. He woke and took his sword.

This women visited each Avenger and all of them but one ended up in some what of a trance of being stuck thinking about their fears, past or failures. The one that did not have this happen to him saw what she was doing and fought her off and she left. Those that were put into a mind trap or trance or making them feel afraid or disappointed ended up fighting each other. They were not in unity.

Let me tell you what the Lord was showing me through this. We are so unified right now. The most unified I have ever felt in a church body. It is something amazing that God is doing. I am so thankful for the love and unity at WHO. We are as ONE and will fight TOGETHER to establish all that God wants us to do.

We need to be careful and aware of the thoughts that the enemy may put into our minds that may cause us to think about our fears and back on our past failures or what others may be saying or doing that may not be true. This is a trap that can cause disunity and God isn’t able to move as much if we are not in unity. Yes we need to focus on the Lord and not on the enemy but we also need to learn where he has deceived before and we can recognize this when and if the enemy tries this on us so we can fight it off and it will leave. The one Avenger that didn’t allow the lies to enter his mind was the only one who could think straight.

Later on in the movie the Avengers saw what was going on and recognized what they needed to do to be as ONE or TOGETHER to defeat the enemy. The one lady who put the “spell”on their minds saw the evil that she was apart of with the main enemy and turned from the evil and joined the good. If we can recognize what the enemy whispers to us and realize it is lies and go forth in unity and not listen to them I think those that originally wanted to bring destruction will see their evil ways and come follow those that are lead by the Father and will join in on doing the Lords will.

When they joined together in unity they saved a whole city from the destruction of the enemy. They brought all of the people to safety.

I am not saying that this will definitely happen I am just saying that I think God is warning us as my family and also maybe as the body to be careful to what you listen to, the thoughts that come into your head. Are they lies or truth? Recognize it and fight off the lies so we can stay in unity and bring those that may want to divide into the unity and love of the FATHER to bring forth HIS purpose.

This is the second time in the last month that I have been “warned” about being careful about listening to lies. The other time was in a dream. Some of us from church, one was a leader, were entering a room. We went through a door. The room was white with nothing on the walls except across from where we entered there was a door that lead to another room within the wall. I was with this group that was going to see past the door and then, two other women got scared and one ran out of the room we were in and went down a hallway and the other said, “Did you see the bee?” and then the bee entered someone’s mouth.

This dream was more of saying be careful to not listen to fear and not to allow what others say take you off course of what you are to do because you will end up afraid and maybe end up saying the very things they are saying. The bee entered someone’s mouth. Bees represent witchcraft sometimes in dreams. Speaking against what God is doing. Just because we may not understand what is going on with what God is doing we can’t speak against it as it is like witchcraft.

The Real Me

I feel very intimidated sharing this blog post as there are so many wonderful writers out there!  But, sometimes you look past what everyone else may think and you have to share what is on your heart.

Where to begin.  So much to share.  I guess I should begin by telling you who I thought I was.  I have always known myself to be shy, unimportant, talented but hiding in that.


What has been my identity was all a collection of things that I thought about myself, what others thought about me and labels about my talent with photography.  Who am I?

I attended a class that Diane Helman is teaching.  It is knowing your identity.  I knew in my heart I had to attend this but I also knew it was going to be hard as I didn’t really want to confront what I thought I was.  I have only been to one class and God has already shown me that I really didn’t know who I was.  My business has slowed down, my friendships have been distant and my marriage has been well, existing.  I knew when I attended Diane’s class that all of this was His doing!

I need to know who I really am before all of this can flourish.

On Friday I knew we weren’t going to be able to attend Koinonia as my son was home with the stomach flu.  That morning I was angry and frustrated that we couldn’t go.  The only thing Connor wanted to do for his birthday was go to Koinonia.  But, I heard God say to me Deep Calls Unto Deep (psalm 42).  So, I spent some time researching this scripture.    Some say that the waves were because of natural things happening with rainfalls which lead to flooding.  Others say it was a picture of the troubles that he was enduring wave after wave but then he says, “Why, my soul, are you downcast?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”  I felt like God was showing me that particularly in our life that we were having a lot of things happen to us that were burdening and like a crashing wave that kept crashing.  But also that this weekend would be like these waves.  Crashing false identities, lies and it was going to be somewhat hard to enter in to His presence.  Then, there would be a huge wave of His presence.  Friday night on livestream it seemed it was hard to enter in.  It was like He was saying this is about Me.  Just wait for Me.

On Saturday night we attended and at first I was frustrated as I felt like I just couldn’t get past a wall of nothingness.  God where are you and why can’t I find you?  Then, Leslie prayed.  I was all of a sudden praying like never before and taken up into His purpose for me.  Praying along others for the furthering of His kingdom.  It was unified, powerful and indescribable.  We could all see each other the way that He sees us.  Seeing those that may not be saved yet and claiming land for His purpose.  My daughter was up front with me.  Not beside me but joined with others up front.  It was so beautiful to see her heart towards the Father and enter into His deep love for her.  I was overwhelmed with His presence.  I had my camera up front with me and to be honest I couldn’t take many pics as I was so into what was going on this weekend but I did get a shot of my daughter which is the feature pic.  I treasure it as it shows her laying in His love for her.  Simply amazing was Saturday evening.

Sunday came and I couldn’t wait to get back to WHO to continue being apart of what He was doing.  As some from the Ukraine were up front honoring the Durniak family I was saddened as I wanted to be up there praying for them and washing their feet.  NOT as a worship way but as an HONORING way.  My heart was full of love for them.  Then, I knew I had to approach someone.  I had to honor this person but also repent for how I was judging them.  I had for quite some time felt a wall between this person and myself as I had felt that they saw themselves as higher than me and I was nothing to them.  It was NOT them.  It was ME!  I had judged them and made that to be real in my vision of them.  I got up and was trying to find them but couldn’t.  I was really needing to use  the bathroom lol so I usually go out by the cafe’ but this time went over by the nursery side and as I walked through the sanctuary doors to the hallway, there they were!  It was God ordained.  I had shared, repented and honored them.  It was beautiful!  They had said that they had to do the very same thing that I had just came to them about with someone else.  God is real guys!  He sees everything, knows everything and ordains everything!

Then, during the morning after honoring one another it was like a party in His presence celebrating all that He did over the weekend.  Lisa King pulled me up to the front onto the stage.  At first I was like no way but I knew I was to go up there as it was a breakthrough for me.

I am:

The Father’s Daughter



Powerful in Him


…and still learning who I am 🙂