Lately, the Father has been shining a flashlight on my heart little by little to reveal to me what needs some extra attention. It is like pealing a band aide off my arm hair very slowly. It can be painful at times. I know if is a time of growth but why does my time of growing have to involve hurting others in the process? This is very hard for me. I would much rather be hurt than to hurt others. Just being real.
I started the day off yesterday by diving into editing photos of a wedding and two senior sessions. But I also started to choose to listen to the convincing voice saying I was not a good person and how depressing my life was because I had all of this stuff that the Father opened my eyes to.
So, I took a break to walk the dog. I went to get the leash and smelled something odd. I got closer to our dog, Lickerish and realized she had rolled in poop. Yes, I am embarrassed to admit that she did this. It is not something that she normally does. She hasn’t done this since she was a puppy. She is now 11 and almost 12. I was very frustrated as it would take even more time away from my editing to give her a bath after taking her for a walk.
We come back from the longish walk. I pulled her into the bathroom as she was putting on the breaks as soon as we got closer to the bathroom door. I put her into a bath and started to scrub her. I was getting so frustrated with her for doing something so stupid and gross. Like she WANTED to roll in crap. After getting her all scrubbed and clean I washed her collar. I want to paint this picture to make a point so I am sorry for the details. The collar had poop in it. Yes, in the collar. It made me gag, literally.
I was thinking how disgusting this was and then I heard it. His voice saying, THIS is how it is when you CHOOSE to get depressed and in hopelessness when I bring to light the things that I see that need to be cleaned up in your life. It is like you are rolling in your own crap (that is not the word I heard Him say). You are CHOOSING to roll in the lies that steal your joy. You cover yourself in crap.
Wow, it snapped me out of the downward spiral of negativity that I started to go into. Yes, I have some things in my heart that need to be dealt with but I don’t have to speak negative and get depressed about it. He has forgiven me and He will help me. I don’t need all the false humility crap to roll in. It isn’t necessary. He is calling me to maturity not immaturity. To dig in deep and take hold of the hard stuff He brings to the surface so He can shine more brightly through me. Even if it feels like a pressure cooker.
If we let go of our comfortable and TRUST Him to do the work and finish the work He started in us we will be at rest and peace in our heart. With all of the natural disasters that have been going on lately it was easy for people to quickly react out of fear. I felt like it was not only an awakening for people who don’t know Him but also for us. Are we quick to react out of fear? I will admit I did too at first. Then, it turned into crying out for His mercy and grace and protection. But then, it turned into Thank you Father for being their protector, their provider, their peace, their love, strength, health. I prayed this before I saw it instead of coming into prayer with a desperate cry. It was a place of knowing my Father would provide what they needed. He is so much bigger than our storms! He is using all that is going on for our good, for His good in us.
We choose to TRUST you Father! You are a good Daddy. We thank you for all that you are doing. Even through the pain of it we know this is for good!
I am so thankful for the WHO family who extends grace and looks into us to find who we really are even when we are not acting like it. Love you all!