I feel very intimidated sharing this blog post as there are so many wonderful writers out there! But, sometimes you look past what everyone else may think and you have to share what is on your heart.
Where to begin. So much to share. I guess I should begin by telling you who I thought I was. I have always known myself to be shy, unimportant, talented but hiding in that.
What has been my identity was all a collection of things that I thought about myself, what others thought about me and labels about my talent with photography. Who am I?
I attended a class that Diane Helman is teaching. It is knowing your identity. I knew in my heart I had to attend this but I also knew it was going to be hard as I didn’t really want to confront what I thought I was. I have only been to one class and God has already shown me that I really didn’t know who I was. My business has slowed down, my friendships have been distant and my marriage has been well, existing. I knew when I attended Diane’s class that all of this was His doing!
I need to know who I really am before all of this can flourish.
On Friday I knew we weren’t going to be able to attend Koinonia as my son was home with the stomach flu. That morning I was angry and frustrated that we couldn’t go. The only thing Connor wanted to do for his birthday was go to Koinonia. But, I heard God say to me Deep Calls Unto Deep (psalm 42). So, I spent some time researching this scripture. Some say that the waves were because of natural things happening with rainfalls which lead to flooding. Others say it was a picture of the troubles that he was enduring wave after wave but then he says, “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” I felt like God was showing me that particularly in our life that we were having a lot of things happen to us that were burdening and like a crashing wave that kept crashing. But also that this weekend would be like these waves. Crashing false identities, lies and it was going to be somewhat hard to enter in to His presence. Then, there would be a huge wave of His presence. Friday night on livestream it seemed it was hard to enter in. It was like He was saying this is about Me. Just wait for Me.
On Saturday night we attended and at first I was frustrated as I felt like I just couldn’t get past a wall of nothingness. God where are you and why can’t I find you? Then, Leslie prayed. I was all of a sudden praying like never before and taken up into His purpose for me. Praying along others for the furthering of His kingdom. It was unified, powerful and indescribable. We could all see each other the way that He sees us. Seeing those that may not be saved yet and claiming land for His purpose. My daughter was up front with me. Not beside me but joined with others up front. It was so beautiful to see her heart towards the Father and enter into His deep love for her. I was overwhelmed with His presence. I had my camera up front with me and to be honest I couldn’t take many pics as I was so into what was going on this weekend but I did get a shot of my daughter which is the feature pic. I treasure it as it shows her laying in His love for her. Simply amazing was Saturday evening.
Sunday came and I couldn’t wait to get back to WHO to continue being apart of what He was doing. As some from the Ukraine were up front honoring the Durniak family I was saddened as I wanted to be up there praying for them and washing their feet. NOT as a worship way but as an HONORING way. My heart was full of love for them. Then, I knew I had to approach someone. I had to honor this person but also repent for how I was judging them. I had for quite some time felt a wall between this person and myself as I had felt that they saw themselves as higher than me and I was nothing to them. It was NOT them. It was ME! I had judged them and made that to be real in my vision of them. I got up and was trying to find them but couldn’t. I was really needing to use the bathroom lol so I usually go out by the cafe’ but this time went over by the nursery side and as I walked through the sanctuary doors to the hallway, there they were! It was God ordained. I had shared, repented and honored them. It was beautiful! They had said that they had to do the very same thing that I had just came to them about with someone else. God is real guys! He sees everything, knows everything and ordains everything!
Then, during the morning after honoring one another it was like a party in His presence celebrating all that He did over the weekend. Lisa King pulled me up to the front onto the stage. At first I was like no way but I knew I was to go up there as it was a breakthrough for me.
The Father’s Daughter
Powerful in Him
…and still learning who I am 🙂